


His Galatea

by Raidah_Blossom



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Crying, Dehydration, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mild Language, Minor Violence, One-Sided Attraction, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Pining, Pre-Poly, Self-Hatred, Starvation, Thomceit Week 2020
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:47:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27178769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raidah_Blossom/pseuds/Raidah_Blossom
Summary: Loving someone, Janus realises, makes you see them in a special light. Ordinary features to others seem like they were hand crafted by Pygmalion to you, and- like Galatea- sometimes your love is unattainable without some divine intervention.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Thomas Sanders, Nico Flores/Thomas Sanders, Nico Flores/Thomas Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 26
Kudos: 31





	1. Terpsichore was in His Favour

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic idea I thought of with the new episode (FWSA), and I really wanted to write some Thomceit Angst (TM), and with Thomceit Week arriving, I had the perfect opportunity to write this up! I hope you enjoy reading this first chapter as much as I did writing it!

Janus was never someone who cared much for Greek Mythology. Sure, he took note of and studied the ideologies of Greek philosophers and he could tell you what happened in the myths, but actually appreciating them? He never really did. He didn’t _hate_ the Greek myths and deities despite their… _questionable_ morals, but he was much fonder of the Roman ones (for fairly obvious reasons). 

However, he’d started to notice that although his little world was influenced heavily by the Romans and Catholicism, the Greeks seemed to be playing a bigger part than he’d initially thought. 

Take for instance, Terpsichore- the muse of dance and lyrical poetry. He had realised that she could be held responsible for where all this had begun- dance. 

So how did this all begin? 

Well let’s rewind. 

\---- 

It had been a few days after the wedding, when Thomas had summoned Janus to the living room. He had wanted to talk to him about things they could do together; wanting to make up for everything he’d put Janus through. Hiding him away, distrusting him, ignoring his suggestions. If he could make amends with Virgil, he could with Janus, and Janus was grateful for that effort- delighted, even. He had always wanted to get closer to Thomas, but he’d never had the chance to, or it was never the right time. So, he leapt at the chance- whilst trying not to appear like he was leaping at the chance. 

“I suppose we could. I see absolutely _no_ point of doing this whatsoever. But if it it’s what you want then fine,” he said. 

“That was a lot easier than I expected. Um.. what do you wanna do? I don’t want to assume what your interests are, I’ve done enough assuming about you already, and I don’t even know enough about you to make a proper judgement anyway, which is really bad of me and I should honestly try to get to know you better and- I just realised I’m rambling, I’ll be quiet now…” Thomas said, sheepishly looking down at his feet. 

Janus quirked an eyebrow, amused at Thomas’ dorky (and, to him, endearing) behaviour. 

“Well, Thomas. How would you like to learn how to dance?” 

That certainly caught his Host’s attention. 

\---- 

They had sunk down into the mindscape, arriving at the theatre that they had all gone to before Janus had been revealed to Thomas. The curtains were still that rich shade of red, the flooring of the stage they stood on still that grey-black, and the crimson seats were still stretched far out in front of them. 

“I’m sure this room brings back some pleasant memories for you, hm?” Janus said, chuckling to himself. 

“Well… I don’t know if _pleasant_ is the best word to use, but it definitely brings back memories,” came Thomas’ reply, turning on the spot as to look around. 

Janus’ gaze lingered on him for a moment, for no reason in particular. He just found it sweet to watch Thomas look around and recall the memories this place had brought. He didn’t know why he found it to be so special to him- he had little to no connection to this area of the Mindscape, since this was more of Roman’s domain. 

Well, he did know. But he wasn’t going to think about it just then. 

“So,” he said, finally saying something instead of just staring, “should we get started?” 

“Alright! Oh, and uh- word of warning- I’m not exactly the best dancer,” Thomas said. 

“Hence, why I’m here to teach you. Let’s start with something you do know- box step.” 

Janus outstretched his hand, and Thomas let him take the lead. Thomas was rusty, but Janus proved to be surprisingly good at guiding him through the steps, managing to get the dance to come back to him, and also managing to account for his mistakes. 

“That’s it,” Janus said, once Thomas could do it without making too many mistakes. “How about we try cha-cha?” 

So they did. Thomas was amazed at how well Janus danced, especially when it came to things like rumba, the tango- even the waltz. 

“How are you so much better than I am?” he said, half-whining. “I mean, I know the answer is practice, and you can do plenty of dances on your own- but you’re a part of me! Some of those skills must have passed on to me! Or is that another thing you’ve kept from me? That I have a hidden talent to dance, that I have yet to discover?” 

“I wouldn’t be too hopeful, if I were you,” Janus joked. 

“Aw, dang it... well, I can dare to dream!” 

“I suppose you can’t.” 

As they danced, they made idle talk, whilst Janus went back to gazing at his Host. He seemed to have a type of appreciation of Thomas he didn’t have for the others, and he couldn’t help but let that show sometimes... 

An hour had passed and the two were quite worn-out at the end of it all. Thomas had definitely enjoyed spending time with Janus though, and to Janus, his happiness was the only thing that really mattered. 

“I’d love to do this again sometime, Janus.” That caught him off guard. 

“Oh really? Well… I’m very busy, but I’m sure I could fit you in somewhere in my schedule,” named Side said, examining his nails through his glove. 

Thomas laughed. “Sure you are buddy. Today’s Sunday and I don’t want to just spend time with you only once a week so… how about Tuesdays and Sundays? Just one hour of dance practice?” 

Janus gladly took him up on his offer, only making a compromise that if Thomas had a project, he should focus on that first and that he (Janus) would come to him to start. 

\---- 

Over the course of the next few days, maybe even weeks, the pair met up with each other and went to dance in that same theatre, to talk with each other and to bond with each other, and Janus loved every second of it. It was something he cherished deeply, and he didn’t want it to go to waste. It was beneficial to Thomas too- exercise, a form of relaxation, and just having fun, so at least he was doing his job and getting Thomas to care for himself too. 

Some days they didn’t even dance, they just talked- getting to know each other better (or more accurately, Thomas getting to know Janus better), or maybe they would listen to Janus playing his violin. 

He had always loved the preciseness of the violin, and its relations to jazz (it was obvious because of how well he played). Thomas admired his playing too- although Janus never seemed to notice, he always got too lost in the music to realise. It was all smooth sailing. 

Until that Saturday rolled around. That specific Saturday. 

And everything fell to pieces. 


	2. Never Shall Tyche Rest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyche. The goddess of luck- whether it be good or bad. She never rests, but how could she when she has to take care of the luck of everyone? One person first, then the next, and then the next and so on. Janus knew she could be responsible for what happened that Saturday. Responsible for what happened to both Janus and Thomas. 
> 
> But at the same time, he couldn’t help but blame himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Brief panic attack, harsh toning with self

Saturday. That Saturday. Janus had been in the mindscape, resting in his room. Thomas had been working hard up until then, and it had really tired him out having to convince him into taking a break and maintaining his needs. He was constantly putting off food and drink, and sometimes even sleep. It took him a while, but eventually, he got Thomas to take a proper break that morning, to refresh himself and to get some fresh air. Thomas went out for a drive, thinking of driving around town- or going to the mall, and Janus finally took a breath himself. Thomas still had a lot to learn- but, really, who doesn’t? 

As mentioned before, Janus was lounging in his room- reading and sitting in his bed, only checking up on Thomas every now and then (the Sides could do so by simply closing their eyes and focusing on Thomas’s location- then they could see everything from Thomas’ eyes, but if they wanted to influence his actions or watch for a long time, they’d have to pop-up or go the Mind Palace- it had a room that was specifically there for that purpose). 

Occasionally, a whisper would come to him when Thomas lied, and that would be confirmed by the joint accusations of ‘Liar!’ from Roman and Virgil, to which he would check up on what was happening, with nothing too unusual happening (except for when Thomas was petting a dog- that was weird). 

But it soon got to a point where Janus couldn’t even move along one paragraph in his book because of how often Roman and Virgil were calling Thomas a liar, and he thought he really ought to go and make his presence known, so he got up and got dressed out of his casual clothes- rather haphazardly since he was still kind of annoyed. Before he rose up, he decided he would travel to the room in the Mind Palace that allowed the Sides to see from Thomas’ point of view, just to make sure he was really needed. 

He adjusted his hat and his cape as he rose into the room, brushing off some imaginary dust whilst walking over to the screen and control panel that allowed him to see what Thomas was doing and influence his actions and speech. 

“Alright, let’s see what you’ve been up to darling, Thomas,” he muttered, switching on the screen. He was met with the image of a man who looked to be around Thomas’ age- he wore glasses, had wavy black hair, had some stubble and was at a table typing something on a Mac, now getting out his bag to put it away after some food had arrived. Thomas was probably in the food court at the mall, then. 

The image on the screen lasted a short while before Thomas turned to face Roman after saying “Oh... uh, yeah... I’m not interested...” 

Normally Janus wouldn’t have cared about it if Thomas was telling the truth, but here’s the thing: Janus _knew_ he wasn’t lying, because of three little words that drifted through his head: 

‘ _He_ is _interested’._

Which- to Janus’ horror- was confirmed by a chorus of _‘Liar’._

And suddenly it all him at once. 

“No.... no... no, no, no- nonono, nononononono- no... this can’t be happening, _no._ I _can’t_ lose him... _no._ _”_

He backed away, carding his fingers through his hair as best as he could with his hat on- only to have it topple to the floor. He started trembling and suddenly his breaths became shorter and more obvious when gasping for air, tears soon coming to his eyes- but something was stopping them from spilling. 

_“Stop that,”_ a voice not unlike his own hissed. _“Regain your composure- you knew this was going to happen someday_ _, you can’t keep wishing on a shooting star_ _\- you know you can’t. His happiness is more important than anyone else’s- yours doesn’t matter right_ _now;_ _you know_ _this_ _._ _He’s more important, calm yourself- you have to help him_ _, no matter how bad it hurts_ _._ _”_

He had to help him. He didn’t matter. Just Thomas. Just. Thomas. 

He took a deep- but shaky- breath, and wiped away his tears that never truly spilt, bending down to pick his hat up from the floor. He regained his posture with a controlled stiffness. He had a job to do- and he was going to do it. 

Command after command, word after word, confession after confession, Thomas obeyed his words. He only did what Roman and Virgil thought he was going to do, he only did what Janus commanded him to do; only said what they wanted, only said what Janus said. The only time he didn’t was when Virgil pushed him- not even Janus saw that coming, but then- he never saw any of this coming. 

The confession came straight from Thomas’ heart- straight from Patton, because of course he would help, he embodies Thomas’ feelings as well as his morality after all. But the confession from the bathroom didn’t. Janus took full responsibility for that one. He’d had plenty of practice in the mirror himself, anyhow. 

And it worked. Janus found himself in his room again as Thomas came home giddy, Tyche clearly on his side. She was certainly on Nico’s side as well- he was a very lucky man to have met Thomas, and Janus knew so. But Tyche on his own side? 

Not a chance. 


	3. Such a Fickle Thing is Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Three Sisters of Fate- Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos: the spinner of life, the drawer of lots and the cutter of life’s thread respectively. The predictors of the good and bad in someone’s life, and the predictors of those whose lives weave together and those who are torn apart. 
> 
> Fate is often a thing that romance is associated with- and Janus couldn’t help but associate it with romance either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mild cursing, violence mention, self-deprecation

“Idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot, IDIOT- you absolute MORON, why did you think he would ever see you in that way? You saw this coming and you let your damned emotions blind you- what were you _THINKING_?” 

Janus was pacing around his room, talking to (or yelling at) himself over what had just happened. He was seething- not at Thomas or Nico, certainly not- but at himself, for daring to hope, to wish, to fantasize, to _dream_. 

But, really, could you blame him? Could you blame a man who had been yearning, _aching_ for the love of his Host for _years?_ A man who was desperate for the affections and attention of his Host, after being neglected for so long? A man who was desperate to care for and treasure his Host and love him forever? A man who wished for the Fates to grant him the love he wanted so deeply? 

Janus thought he could. He thought he could blame himself for it all, as he raged around the room, forcing the tears back, mussing up his hair and practically screaming at himself. He wanted to hit something or knock something over; he was so mad at himself. He was only stopped in his tracks once he heard the door creak open, and the sound of a high-pitched voice rambling away. 

“Holy hell, did you hear, Snakey? Thomas finally got with a guy! Roman thinks he’s super cute- and he probably is too! Did you see how giddy they were when they came back? Virgie was wearing his purple eyeshadow again! This is gonna give me fuel to torment Thomas with for _weeks_ _!_ Isn't it grea- Jan?” 

Janus was faced away from Remus- head bowed and body tense whilst he listened silently. “Close the door, would you Remus?” he asked, so quietly that Remus barely heard him. 

“Sure... is something up, Janus?” he answered, closing the door. “You don’t seem very enthusiastic about Thomas being with- oh...” Suddenly the realisation hit Remus. “Oh my god, Jan- I'm so sorry, I didn’t mean-” 

“It’s fine, it’s fine- I know you didn’t mean it... I didn’t expect you to remember anyways, it doesn’t matter to you. Why should it?” He waved a hand, dismissing Remus’ apology, still turned away from him. His body had loosened a little as he spoke to Remus, but not by much. 

“Hey, this is probably a stupid thing to ask... but are you okay?” Remus asked this question tentatively, he knew Janus could flare up at any second or fire back with a snarky remark- he often did when he was upset. 

Janus let out a bark of a laugh at that. “Of course I’m okay! Absolutely wonderful! I just helped to give the love of my life away to someone he met today- when I’ve wanted him for years, isn’t that just fabulous? I mean, imagine breaking away from the very mantra you told the person you love to give them away, throwing everything you’ve ever wanted away because you prioritise their happiness over your own! Isn’t that just marvellous?” he snapped at Remus, voice dripping with sarcasm, as well as going back to pacing around the room. 

Remus winced at his words, though he had been fully expecting this. “Isn’t prioritising his needs over your own kind of... counter-intuitive, Janus?” 

“I think _hypocritical_ is the word you mean, dear Duke,” named Side hissed back, facing away from him again. 

Silence. An awkward one at that. 

It was broken as Janus let out a tired sigh, letting his body loosen with exhaustion. “I’m sorry... I shouldn’t have snapped at you- it's not your fault. I’m just... so _scared_ _,_ Remus ... I don’t know what’s going to happen, and fate _or_ luck certainly isn’t on my side... and I have a dance lesson with him tomorrow- how am I going to face him? I could always tell him to celebrate instead of having a lesson, but what do I do after that? I can’t bear the thought of being around him after this- it would be too awkward for me...” 

He felt a hand on his shoulder as Remus came up to him. “I don’t know what you’re gonna have to do Jan... but do what’s best for _both_ of you- not just him. I know you don’t want to hurt him, but you can’t hurt yourself either. You've always told us that, right? So take your own advice- you'll be better for it.” 

Remus may be a chaotic gremlin- but he cares for his friends, especially his close ones. 

“Thank you, Remus,” he whispered in response, a small smile coming to his lips. 

More silence. 

“Well, I guess I’ll get going... you’ll be fine- won't you Jan?” 

The Duke finally got a good look at his friend, as it was here that he had turned to face him fully. Tears poured down his friend’s face, as he looked on with empty eyes and a weak smile. And in a shaky, lost voice, his friend said: 

“Of course I’ll be fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” 


	4. And Thus Came Oizys' Shadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oizys: the goddess of grief, misery, anxiety and depression. She’s portrayed as a malevolent spirit who does nothing but bad for humankind, and with good reason too. There isn’t much about her, but if you can gather anything from her- it's that her shadow lingers over those in pain and lingers over those who are troubled. 
> 
> And it will linger over those who are heartbroken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mentions of loss of a loved one (not in terms of death), denial, mentions of food and drink deprivation

Janus hadn’t come out of his room for days. No sound came out from it- and the others were becoming increasingly anxious, Patton specifically. He found it extremely strange; he had been working with the others and communicating so well with them, but suddenly- nothing. At first, he tried to dismiss it as Janus working on the Patreon, and just distancing himself from the others to focus. But he realised that if Janus was working on the Patreon, he would have said something at the very least- but they hadn’t heard a peep from him, not even when they were celebrating on Sunday. 

Remus had been acting strange as well- it wasn’t too noticeable if you didn’t know him well, but Patton did, and he could tell something was off. He only acted differently in conversations about Nico-as though he was remembering something every time he was mentioned. 

So, Patton decided that he was going to get to the bottom of this mystery. And to do that, he was going to have to go straight to the source. 

He stopped in front of Janus’ door and took a deep breath. He’d never been in his room before- the Others were very protective of their rooms, and understandably so. While he didn’t think anything _too_ bad had happened to Janus, he braced himself for what he was about to see, and raised his hand to the door, to knock three times. 

_Knock-knock-knock._

“Janus? It’s me- Patton. Can I come in?” 

He couldn’t hear anything for a while and was about to speak up again until he was cut off by the door slowly opening by itself. Last he checked it was locked. Janus must have opened it, then. 

“I guess I can then... I’m coming in, Jan!” he said, then alerting Janus, opening the door fully. “Jan, is everything alright-? Oh my goodness!” 

In front of him was a completely darkened room, that was completely dishevelled. Janus’ room was dark as it was- but with the curtains closed and all the lights off, it had a dismal atmosphere, and the messiness of the room didn’t help things. Well, the messiness of the bed; the room itself was completely bare apart from the furniture that was in it. 

On the bed sat Janus- clutching a stuffed animal to his chest with his blanket around him. That wouldn’t be a problem- if it hadn’t been for the fact that his lips were swollen, and his nose and eyes were red from hours of crying. 

Janus’ hair was messy from laying in the bed and only moving to turn over. He looked like a complete _wreck_. Patton was pretty sure he hadn’t been eating and drinking either. While he wasn't worried about him dying (being a figment of imagination), he was still worried about his health. 

“Janus- what's happened to you? Do you want food? Water? Are you okay? What’s-” Patton started worriedly rambling but was cut off by a weak raise of Janus’ hand. 

“I’m fine Pat... but some sustenance would be nice...” he responded, looking up hopefully, his voice scarily hoarse. 

“Of- of course! I’ll be right back- stay there!” he rushed out of the room, worried out of his mind. What had gotten Janus to that state? Hadn’t he been taking care of himself? Why had he been crying? He’d been fine before- what _happene_ _d?_

All these thoughts rushed through his head as he swiftly prepared a meal and got some water for Janus, all while making sure it could fill him up, was healthy and was something he enjoyed. He wasn’t even thinking about what he was making, it was just something he knew he could make without burning the house down or poisoning anyone. 

He ran back to Janus’ room, doing his best not to spill anything. As soon as he entered it, he made sure to close the door behind him and urged Janus to eat what he had made him and drink plenty of water. Janus accepted hurriedly and practically wolfed everything down as Patton sat on the bed and spoke to him. 

“Janus, what’s gotten into you, you look like you’ve been crying! And you clearly haven’t been taking care of yourself- you're as thin as a rake! What’s going on, Janus? What’s happened- is everything okay? Do you wanna talk about it?” he said in a fatherly tone to him, something he didn’t normally do for Janus since they held each other on the same level when it came to who’s a parental figure, so the fact that he had to do so terrified him. 

“Calm yourself Patton, I am fine, or I will be at the very least... “ 

Patton could just feel the denial _radiating_ from him. “You’re not sure of that, are you? What’s happened Janus? You've holed yourself up in your room ever since Sunday, and Remus has been acting weird too.” 

“I really don’t want to talk about it, Pat...” Janus muttered under his breath. He was terrified to tell Patton the truth; terrified of being judged. 

Patton sighed with paternal disappointment and concern. He didn’t want to force Janus to say anything- nor did he want to guilt-trip him into saying anything. He’d truly been trying his hardest to stop doing that, but he slipped up at times, and he didn’t want this to be one of those times. 

“Janus... I get it’s hard to talk about your sensitivities- I would know- but... I want to help! Please let me; you don’t have to say anything to me- I could just ask you a few questions and you can nod yes or no! Please, Jan?” 

Janus was quiet for a long while, but eventually, he gave a small nod. He trusted Patton enough for him to not judge him, though he was still slightly dubious. He pulled his snake plushie closer to his chest. 

“Thank you, Janus. First question then... did this all start on Saturday?” 

A nod. 

That told Patton to ask himself what happened on Saturday. Nothing too notable, except... 

“Is it... is it something to do with Nico?” 

Nothing. 

Then a nod. 

What could it have to do with Nico? Was Janus worried about Nico being bad for Thomas? No, that couldn’t be it, he had helped to get Thomas to talk to him... unless... 

Janus looked very... stiff when he was helping- Patton had watched him from the corner of his eye when he had spoken into the mic. Could he have been _reluctant_ to help? But why would he have been?

Then Patton realised- why else would you be reluctant to help someone find love if you knew the person was good for them? 

He couldn’t say anything directly- he was worried Janus might not answer. So how could he phrase the question? He racked his brain for anything that could’ve helped- and he came across a conversation he’d had only a few days before. 

“Speaking of Nico, just the other day I was wondering how no one had snatched him up already, since he’s so wonderful, and I asked Roman about it. He told me that... sometimes, when you love someone... they appear differently to you than they do to other people... everything about them that’s perfectly normal to others seems... _radiant_ to you. Like they were made from porcelain, and hand-crafted by... oh what’s his name? That Greek sculptor... “ 

“Pygmalion?” 

“That’s it! As though they were hand-crafted by Pygmalion... the perfect person, like Galatea... is that how you see him? Thomas? Your perfect person- your Galatea?” 

Janus turned away and didn’t say anything. His silence told Patton enough. 

“It’s okay to love him, you know. I’m not judging at all- I can see why you would. It’s okay... helping him to talk to Nico must have been a lot for you, huh? I guess that’s why you’re here... you couldn’t face him. And you needed some space... I get that. It’s hard losing someone you love... but you haven’t lost him fully!” Patton voice suddenly turned brighter, and Janus knew he was in for a pep-talk. “You still have him Jan, he’ll always be there- and you can help him, right? You want him to be happy, so why don’t you try and get back on your feet to make him happy?” 

Janus smiled at that- although it was a small one. Tears were welling in his eyes. "I want to make him happy, really I do! And I know I can make him happy. His happiness means everything to me, and I know he can be happy when I'm not there, but... I just hoped that he could be happy...” 

“With you?” Patton finished. Janus nodded. 

“With me...” he choked out. 

He covered his mouth to fight back the sobs. He tried his best to fight back the tears that were threatening to spill but to no avail. Patton gently moved his hand away and wrapped his arms around the now weeping man. He let him cry into his chest as he listened to his shaky breaths, pity and sorrow coursing through his body, as he listened to the sobs of a heartbroken man. 


	5. Never Looking Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orpheus: A son of Apollo, and the greatest musician in the world. He fell for the beautiful Eurydice and lost her on their wedding day, so he travelled to the Underworld and beg the King and Queen of the Dead to bring her back. He enchanted them with his beautiful lyre playing and they allowed her to come back- but only on one condition. He must never look back at her until they reached the surface, and if he did so, she could never come back. 
> 
> Unfortunately, the inevitable happened- and Orpheus looked back, only to lose his love. 
> 
> And that was a mistake Janus didn’t intend on making.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Arguments, awkwardness, tension, denial

Months had passed and Thomas had heard nothing from Janus- he knew that he wasn’t talking to the others for a few days, but Patton had assured him that he had soon gotten back up on his feet and was talking to and interacting with them again. This was news to Thomas- he hadn’t heard a thing from Janus, not even for their dance lessons, so the fact that the others were talking to him had him worried (hurt, even). 

The first time he saw Janus again after that short disappearance was in the living room. He wanted to talk to him- or at least say something to him, but Logan beat him to it. They seemed to be occupied, so he left them to it- making a note to talk to Janus later. 

But every time he wanted to speak to Janus, he always seemed to be busy. One day he was going over something with Logan, another day he was helping the twins in the Mindscape, on another day he’d be helping Patton with a project and sometimes he’d even be having a (somewhat) civil conversation with Virgil. 

But he never spoke to Thomas. 

If he didn’t know any better, he would’ve said Janus was avoiding him. 

And Thomas would be lying if he said he didn’t miss him. 

Janus was a wonderful contrast to Thomas- cool, sarcastic and suave compared to warm, bubbly and maybe just a little naïve. The one thing they both really had in common was being two complete and utter dorks, and that was something Thomas loved. Janus could always make him laugh with his snarky remarks and sassy attitude, but he could also make him smile and giggle just because of how silly he could be and also because of how talented he was. He absolutely adored listening to him play his violin; he thought it sounded beautiful and Janus looked so at ease as he played- like he was truly at peace. 

He missed all of that- every little bit. 

So, after months of worrying, he decided to set things right: he was going to talk to Janus. 

\----

He sat on his bed, waiting. For what, he didn’t know- but he was waiting. Then he felt the time was right, and he finally summoned Janus into his room. 

“Hi, Janus,” he said apprehensively. 

“Thomas. Is there something you don’t need?” Thomas noted that there was a wary look in his eyes. 

“I need to ask you something.” 

“...Go on.” 

Thomas swallowed down the lump in his throat. He could tell Janus was bracing himself for something he didn’t want to hear. 

“Have you been... avoiding... me?” He saw Janus stiffen. 

“Why would I be avoiding you?” Avoiding a direct answer, as per usual. Fine, he’d play along. 

“You tell me! Why haven’t you been talking to me? Are... are you mad at me?” Suddenly waves of anxiety flooded over him as he thought of all the reasons why Janus could be avoiding him. 

“No! No- I'm not- I just, I-” he sighed. “I’m not mad at you. I promise.” 

Janus _was_ being honest- he'd been so blunt about it that Thomas couldn’t help but believe him. That was a relief, at least. “So tell me what’s wrong!” 

No response. He stared at Janus earnestly, hoping he could see _some_ sign that he was caving. 

“No.” 

“What- _why?_ Janus- why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?” he exclaimed, now standing up. 

“There’s nothing wrong, Thomas, I assure you.” 

“You’re lying, I know you are! You’re not even looking at me- Janus, _please,_ ” he walked over to him and cupped his human-sided cheek, forcing Janus to look at him. “Why can’t you tell me what’s wrong?” 

Janus looked down at the person in front of him- his Host. Thomas was pleading with him through his eyes- all he wanted was to talk to Janus, help him if he needed to. Why couldn’t Janus see that? 

The snake-like side brought his hand to Thomas’, only to gently pull it down from his face, an apologetic look resting on it. 

“I’m sorry, Thomas, I can’t tell you- I really can’t.” He started to walk towards the door, to the left of his Host. The tension in the room was so thick you could have cut it with a knife.

“Janus! I just want to help you- why won’t you let me do that for you?” Thomas cried out in frustration. 

“Thomas, you don’t need to help me, there's nothing you _can_ help me with anyways,” he remarked coolly, almost at the door. 

Thomas rushed over to him, grabbing onto his hand, stopping him from opening the door just in the nick of time. “Is- is it something I did? It is, isn’t it?” he asked, his voice becoming more and more frantic. 

Janus froze at that. He answered, but he still didn’t face him. “Yes and no... it’s not your fault, not at all. But you had a part in it...” 

What was he supposed to do with that? “So- so, I _did_ do something... Janus, _please_ tell me what I did- please. I can’t stand this any more! Please, just tell me!” Thomas was begging now, his voice trembling. 

“Thomas- I- I'm... I can’t. I’m so sorry but I can’t- you would hate me for it.” 

“No, I wouldn’t! No matter what it was! And why would I hate you for it- I did something, not you!” 

“You had a part in it, you didn’t do the whole thing.” Janus dragged his hand away, ready to open the door until he felt Thomas spin him round and pull his face down, so they were level with each other. And it was here that he realised something horrible. 

Thomas was _crying._

“Janus...” his voice wavered as he started to speak. “Please, please tell me... I can’t stand it... _Please_... Janus, _please_...” Now, his voice was thick with tears. 

And Janus softened at the sight. 

Wiping his tears away, he hushed him. “It’s alright, don’t cry... it’s okay... you did nothing wrong; you have nothing to worry about... Hush now- it's okay...” 

Thomas cried silent tears as Janus whispered sweet nothings to him. 

“It’s alright... you have nothing to fear... you just go your separate way and I’ll go mine... okay? It’s alright... it’s for the best...” 

He carefully removed himself from Thomas’ grasp and left the room, feeling so much regret- but still, he said nothing. 

And Thomas fell to the floor as he wept- head in his hands- exhausted and hurt and scared.


	6. Such a Cruel Game Does Eros Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eros: The god of love. Namely romantic love and also sexual passion as an added bonus. He’s an ambiguous figure- supposedly the son of Aphrodite, but also a being that could have existed pre-Olympia- a deity as old as Gaia and Tartarus. He’s often seen as a sweet God- blessing mortals and gods alike with love, but there is one key feature about him that most forget: 
> 
> He can take love away just as easily as he can give it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Arguing, slight questioning of morality of behaviour, one-sided pining

Janus really had meant it when he said that he would go his separate way. Thomas rarely saw him around save for during small discussions when a dilemma arose, or occasionally passing him in the corridor. He still had no idea why Janus was actively avoiding him- and it was driving him _mad_ (in both senses of the word). 

His longing to talk to Janus normally again had been growing stronger and stronger with each passing day- with each instance of passing him in the corridor; with each discussion where he was present; with each interaction he had with Nico; with each dance lesson he had gone through by himself; with each note that was played as he listened to recordings of violin solos (with none of them sounding as beautiful as when Janus played).

He _missed_ him.

He missed him _terribly._

Thomas wanted to find out why he had just got up and left like that without even properly explaining himself, and bad. He knew that the Sides knew something, at the very least. He could see that whenever Janus did appear for discussions, or when something related to him was brought up in conversations. He could see those glances between them or those looks at him to see if something about him had changed.

He saw.

And he was sick of it.

So, he decided to do what he’d always done when there was a major problem.

He summoned the Sides.

“Alright, I need to talk all of you apart from Janus. _Now_.”

He watched as each Side rose up, one by one. He watched as Logan adjusted his tie, as Patton fiddled with the ends of his hoodie, as Virgil chewed the nail of his thumb, and as the twins adjusted their sashes. No doubt, they had heard the stern tone in his voice, and they had tried their best to brace themselves for what was about to come.

“I’m gonna be straight with you all,” he said, crossing his arms, fully aware of the irony of that phrase. “You’ve been hiding something from me about Janus, and I want to know what it is.”

He watched as they all glanced at each other- clearly reluctant to give anything away. He was convinced that Janus had persuaded them not to say anything- but he was going to get it out of them, even if it killed him. 

“Thomas,” Patton started, “we want to tell you- we really do, but-”

“- _You can’t._ Don’t try that with me- I've heard it before,” Thomas interrupted waspishly. “All of you know something, and you’re all trying to hide it from me. Don’t beat around the bush or try to distract me- I _will_ get to the bottom of this because I’m absolutely sick of everything being kept from me.”

There were guilty shuffles and ashamed looks from every Side at that, but even so- there was still no response. Until Logan spoke up, that is.

“Well... since you are being uncharacteristically adamant about this, I’m assuming this matters very much to you, so I suppose you deserve to know.”

Patton whipped his head round to look at Logan. “Logan! We made a promise, remember? We shouldn’t break his trust- do you have any idea how much that would affect him if we did?” he protested in earnest.

“Sorry Popstar, but I have to take L’s side. Thomas should know- he's been worried about it for who knows how long?” Virgil interjected.

“Oh, of course, _you_ wouldn’t care about breaking Jan’s trust!” Remus spat, words dripping with venom.

“What the _hell_ is that supposed to mean?”

“You know full well what it means!”

“Ladies- stop fighting!” Roman cut in. “No need to delve into family drama- we have pressing matters at hand!” 

“Roman’s trying to get to the point? That’s certainly new...” Thomas heard Logan say under his breath. Apparently Roman had as well.

“ _What_ did you just say Calculator-Watch?” Roman asked, knowing full well what he said.

“It doesn’t matter right now! Let’s just get on with this-” Thomas tried to say before Roman and Logan started bickering like 5-year-olds.

Alright, his original source of support had just been taken away. Great. He turned to Virgil to get something out of him but-

“Oh my gosh, would you _shut up_ , Remus?!” Virgil fumed.

“Well, you would know that isn’t exactly my speciality _now is it?!”_ Remus shot back.

“Guys, could we just-” he tried to intervene, yet again, but this time he was cut off by Patton.

“Kiddos, calm down, we need to focus on Thomas- we need to talk to him.”

This was exactly why he had refrained from calling Patton his dad. 

He let the chaos around him ensue, stewing in his own anger and his own frustrations, letting the noise grow more and more intense. He listened as Roman and Logan bickered, he watched as Virgil and Remus fought and he glared on as Patton tried to calm them down.

And, suddenly, he lost it.

“Oh my goodness, _ENOUGH_. All of you- everyone- shut _UP_! I just want to know what’s going on, because I’m _scared_ , but all of you won’t let me say anything! I’m tired of being ignored by you all- I'm tired of being- of being _BABIED_ all the time! I’m _sick_ of it! I know I can be dense at times, but I’m not _naïve_ , I’m not STUPID. Just- all of you be _quiet_ and tell me what’s happened!” he practically screamed at them all, absolutely seething as all his frustrations spilt over and washed over his body- alighting it with a fire that was composed of pure fury.

Everyone stood dead in their tracks as they all stared at Thomas. He was breathing heavily, and his fists were clenched, tears in his eyes. Hadn’t he been here before? Standing stock-still after an argument with tears in his eyes... he didn’t want to remember that.

“Sorry, everyone...” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to shout- I just... it’s been a rough few months...”

“Kiddo... we had no idea you felt that way... I’m sorry for babying you- it's just, ah...” Patton looked at the others, before turning back to Thomas. “We’re all so used to helping you with a problem, that we just... _forget_ that sometimes you have problems you just want to talk about _with_ us, instead of just standing on the sidelines... sorry, kiddo.”

“And I’m sorry for starting something- I should’ve just let it go. You wanted to talk, and I prevented that... I also apologise to you, Logan...” Roman admitted. It was big of him, and despite how he was feeling, Thomas was proud of him for owning up.

“I apologise to you as well, Roman. I admit that remark was rather childish of me.”

“Ah... I guess I’m sorry too. Sorry I... _jabbed_ at you, Virge.” Remus was apologising? What world had he stepped into? Were they just arguing right now or was he imagining things? Still, he was proud either way.

“It’s fine... I’m sorry too. And, sorry to you too, Thomas...”

Thomas only sighed in response. “It’s alright... look, I know I was really determined to get something out of you all, but that... outburst... just drained all my energy, so... I’m just gonna get ready for when Nico gets here, okay? We can talk about this another time...”

“Alright, Thomas... we’ll see ya later then. Bye kiddo.” That had been Patton.

“Bye...” he said as they all sunk out. It hadn’t turned out the way he wanted, but it had shown that he was still learning. They all were.

\----

Thomas was staring into space whilst sitting on his couch, thoughts swirling round his head as he only half took in what his boyfriend was saying to him- and eventually, said boyfriend noticed.

“Is something up, love?” Nico asked. “You looked like you were spacing out.”

Thomas smiled when Nico called him ‘love’. He still found it so sweet when he did so, but that isn’t the point.

“Sorry! I was paying attention! Kinda... it’s just- I've been so caught up in stuff lately... it’s kind of been weighing on me...” Thomas could always rely on Nico to be a good support beam, especially when he needed to vent.

“Hey, I’m here to talk! Is it something to do with the Sides?”

“Wha- how did-?”

Nico just shrugged. “Just a hunch.” Thomas was convinced he was psychic.

He giggled, but in a tired way. “Yeah... yeah, it has to do with the Sides... Janus, specifically.”

“You can vent if you want- I'm here to listen.”

“Heh... thanks... it’s just... he’s been _avoiding_ me. We even spoke about it to each other! Well, argued about it. He- he said I had a part in something, and that’s why he’s avoiding me, but that doesn’t help things at _all!_ I mean, what do I do with that? He’s being so infuriatingly _vague_ , and I just want to talk to him! Normally, I mean. He was fine before! Participating, contributing, having fun! Now it’s like he was never there- and... and I miss him. He’s so much fun to be around, and he’s just so incredible! He’s so talented, too! He can play the violin- did I tell you that? He plays the violin, and he’s so good at it - it's beautiful to listen to, and his dancing? I don’t even know _how_ he’s that good. He’s so... _sly_ , and cunning and suave and he makes me think- but he can also be so sweet and lovely and dorky, and he’s just... he’s great.”

Nico chuckled and Thomas looked up at him.

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing... but I just noticed- you're blushing!”

“ _What?!_ ” Thomas grabbed his phone and opened the camera. Nico was right- he was practically glowing pink.

“But why- what?!” Thomas exclaimed, confused out of his mind.

His phone moved down as his boyfriend came into view. He was smiling fondly at him, a look of amusement on his face. “Thomas,” he began. “Have you ever thought that maybe the reason why you miss him so much, isn’t just because you want his _company_ but also because you want to _be_ with him? In a more-than-friends way?”

Thomas stopped to think about it. He did miss Janus a lot more than you would expect from someone who just wanted to be friends. And he did often gush about Janus when he expressed that he missed him. _Could_ he want to be more than friends with Janus- if they still even were? 

“But... I still want to be with you! But, also- maybe- Janus? Is- is that even possible?” 

“If you’re polyamorous it is. You could date both of us, whilst we don’t date each other. Like in a V relationship.”

“Huh... I- I guess I could! But oh my goodness gracious, you probably think I’m so weird for wanting to date one of my Sides! I mean who does that-” Thomas started to panic before Nico took his hands and cut in, locking eyes with him.

“ _Love_... I’ll support you in the choices you make. You want to date someone as well as me (with my consent)? Fine! Dating one of your Sides? I won’t care- that's your choice to make! And it’s technically self-love, isn’t it? I’m all for that! Go on ahead, I won’t mind! I’ll just be there to support you through it!”

Thomas stared at him with so much love, it was impossible to measure how much there was. He was being _rained_ upon with blessings, and Nico was one of them. Tackling him into a hug, he gushed into his shoulder about how he had struck gold the day he met him, all while his boyfriend laughed.

“Thank you, thank you, _thank you_ , Nico!”

“Happy to help! …So what have you taken away from all this?”

Thomas pondered for a while; all while being held comfortably in Nico’s arms.

“One: I have an _awesome_ boyfriend-” he heard Nico laugh at that- “two: it's okay to be dating a Side, three: dating the both of you will help me and four... _I love him.”_

\----

Roman stood in the kitchen, listening to what Thomas had just said- and he was ecstatic to tell Remus. Phase 1 complete!

He sunk into the Imagination to find Remus, and he stumbled upon as Remus was coming to find him.

“I’ve got great news!” they both said in unison. Ah, the joys of being twins! They laughed together for a bit of time before Roman told Remus to go first.

“Okay, okay... I think Janus is doing _loads_ better! I hadn’t seen him for a while, but I did just now, and he looks great! Ro- _I think he’s finally gotten over Thomas!”_


End file.
